oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
