I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
