Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize