I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
