Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
