I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
