we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
