Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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