i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
