I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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