hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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