Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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