I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
