tell your sister to shave her snatch
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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