$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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