dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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