I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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