I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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