just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
