You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
