is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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