my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
