I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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