Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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