So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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