can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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