You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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