Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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