just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
