How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
