I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
