guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
