The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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