I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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