i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
