It's Friday. Sex?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
