Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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