I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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