So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
