my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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