I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
two words: eviction party
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
