i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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