it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
