she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
