It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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