I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
