You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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