dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
