You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
