Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
