I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
