The best revenge is premature balding
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
