My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
