I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
someone owes me an orgasm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
