exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize