is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
