I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize