apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
