Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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