dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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