his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she peed on how many people?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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