Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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