In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
