A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
