Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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