my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
