dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
