Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
