She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
