He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
