he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
