yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
