1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
