hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
