i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had sex on a roof
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
