True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize