i just wanna soil my oats bro
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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