I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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