So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
