I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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