I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
